I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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