Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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