Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
