I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
