Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
