Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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