Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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