Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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