sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
