Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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