I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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