I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
