I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
