mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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