i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
