Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
