she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize