I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
