Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I need to sanitize my soul.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
