Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
