Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
