College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
