I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
