I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
