So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
We are all done wearing pants today
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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