So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
As shirtless as possible
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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