i just sent this text using only my big toe
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
