Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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