Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
