I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
