So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize