I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
