Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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