Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
