I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
