She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
