There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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