My nipple is on Facebook.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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