LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
