My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
