Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize