I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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