OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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