My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
we're making bets on your personal life
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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