Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
They have beer where we have blood.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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