xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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