Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize