Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
