someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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