you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
