Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Rumble strips road head = magical
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
