I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
