i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Two words: nipple clamps
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