honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
