Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
