Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
