I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
