I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
