Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Im part way to drunk.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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