Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize