you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
